19 Essential Tips for Winning Back Your Ex
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1. DON'T CHASE THEM AT ALL COST
When your ex decides to leave, it doesn't necessarily mean they want to end things permanently. They may just need some space to sort out their own feelings. The best approach during this time is to give them the space they need. Believe it or not, nothing will bother them more than seeing you have already accepted the breakup and moved on.
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2. ACT AS IF YOU HAVE MOVED ON
Even if you haven't, it's important to give off the appearance that you have. Your ex may not expect you to move on so quickly and it can be a powerful tool in making them want you back. Instead of meeting their expectations, make them question why you're not fulfilling them. This can create a sense of disturbance that may lead to them reaching out to you again.
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3. SHOW THAT YOU HAVE MOVED ON WITH THE NO CONTACT RULE
One way to demonstrate that you have moved on after a breakup is by implementing the no contact rule. This means cutting off all forms of communication with your ex until you are able to detach emotionally. By doing this, you signal to your ex that you have moved on, which may cause them to start re-evaluating the relationship and potentially desire you again. Keep in mind that the no contact rule should be used with caution and a detailed understanding of the rule can be found in the main book.
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4. CREATE A SENSE OF LONGING IN YOUR EX'S MIND
By demonstrating that you are not readily available, you can create a sense of longing in your ex's mind. The idea that they can't easily have you will make them want you more. When you constantly pursue them, it sends the message that you need them, and that lack of perceived value can make them less interested in getting back together. But by creating a sense of loss, you can motivate them to work harder to regain your attention and affection. This principle is similar to the idea that people often want what they can't have.
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5. FOCUS ON SELF-IMPROVEMENT, NOT CONVINCING YOUR EX
It's important to remember that you cannot force or convince your ex to change their mind about you. The more you try to do so, the more likely you are to push them away.
Instead, focus on improving yourself. Accept the breakup and take the time to work on yourself. This will not only make you a better person, but it will also make you more attractive to your ex. Remember, the only person you need to convince is yourself. When you believe in yourself and your worth, your ex will likely take notice.
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6. ELIMINATE FACTORS THAT DETER ATTRACTION
It is important to recognize that displays of neediness and desperation can greatly hinder your efforts to reconcile with your ex. These traits are often perceived as major turn-offs and may cause your ex to distance themselves from you.
When you exhibit a high level of neediness and desperation, you are indirectly communicating to your ex that you are willing to do whatever it takes to win them back. However, it is important to remember that in any relationship, the person who is more dependent on the other is often at a disadvantage and lacks control over the situation. To increase your chances of reconciliation, it is crucial to work on reducing or eliminating any factors that may deter attraction.
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7. MASTERING SELF-CONTROL INCREASES YOUR CHANCES OF REUNITING WITH YOUR EX
The ability to regulate one's emotions is crucial in any relationship, especially when trying to win back a former partner. Your chances of reconciliation will hinge on your ability to manage your own emotional state, rather than being controlled by it. Maintaining a level of self-control will give you the upper hand and empower you to make strategic decisions towards rekindling your relationship.
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8. DON'T KEEP YOUR EX ON TOP OF YOUR PRIORITY LIST
You are definitely not on the right track if your ex is on the top of your priority list at the moment. They are keeping you just as an option therefore why are you keeping them as your main priority?
Don't give your ex the type of treatment they don't really deserve. You should never give respect unless you are getting the same in return.
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9. MAKE YOUR EX JEALOUS
Making your ex jealous is a very powerful tool when it comes to getting them back. It's human nature to want what we can't have and by making your ex see that you are happy and moving on without them, they will start to realize what they might be missing out on. But, be careful not to overdo it or it might backfire. Show them that you are having a good time and that you are not sitting around waiting for them, but don't rub it in their face. Make them want to be a part of your life again.
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10. KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN
It is important to not put all your eggs in one basket. Even though your primary goal may be to win your ex back, it is crucial to keep your options open. Go out, meet new people, and discover what you may have been missing out on. This way, even if things do not work out with your ex, you will not feel as though you have nothing else to fall back on.
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11. REMOVE EXPECTATIONS
The emotional pain one experiences during a breakup can often be attributed to unmet expectations. It can be devastating to learn that your ex has moved on romantically. But by relinquishing any expectations of them, you remove their ability to hurt you. You take back control of your emotions and no longer allow your ex's actions to dictate how you feel.
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12. DESPERATION IS THE ENEMY OF SUCCESS
In the context of winning back an ex, a high level of desperation can actually decrease your chances of success. The key to overcoming this obstacle is to approach the situation with a sense of security and non-neediness. As the saying goes, "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer", the same applies in this scenario, those who are more secure and self-assured will have a greater chance of success.
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13. UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU DESIRE YOUR EX, BUT YOU DON'T NEED THEM
This is an important concept that many individuals struggle to grasp. It is essential to understand that you may want to be with your ex, but it does not mean that you cannot survive without them. One of the worst things that can happen in life is death, yet people are able to move on from the loss of a loved one. If that is possible, then why can't you move on from this relationship? It is important to recognise that while you may desire your ex, you do not rely on them for survival.
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14. WHEN YOUR EX SHOWS INTEREST - BECOME A CHALLENGE
Attracting your ex's interest is only the first step, the next thing to do is to present yourself as a challenge. By making your ex work for your attention, you increase the value of their efforts and in turn, the relationship. People tend to appreciate and value things more when they have to put in effort to obtain it.
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15. NEVER WORRY ABOUT COMPETITION
If your ex is dating someone else, it can trigger insecurities and a desire to get in touch with them again. However, it is important to remember that as long as you maintain self-control and show that you do not care who they are with, you will turn the tables in your favor. If you happen to run into your ex while they are on a date, greet them and their date politely, and make a quick exit. This will give your ex the indication that you have accepted the breakup and moved on, which will make them question how you were able to get over them so quickly. This thought will stay on their mind and create uncertainty, making them more likely to want to reconnect.
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16. EXUDE HAPPINESS, BUT KEEP THE REASON A SECRET
In order to effectively communicate to your ex that you have moved on and are happy, it is important to demonstrate this through your actions and behaviour. By appearing to have found a new source of happiness, your ex may begin to question the reasons for your newfound contentment and may even become curious about your new circumstances. However, it is important to keep the true reasons for your happiness to yourself, as revealing them too soon may undermine the desired effect. Instead, let your ex's friends be the ones to notice and remark on your positive change, as their observations will carry more weight and be harder to dismiss.
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17. NEVER BE JUST FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX, AVOID THE FRIEND ZONE TRAP
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a breakup is breaking the no contact rule and getting in touch with their ex too soon. Just because your ex agrees to talk or hang out, it doesn't mean they want to rekindle the relationship or still have feelings for you. In fact, when an ex asks to be friends, it's often because they want to keep you around as a backup option while they explore other options. Don't fall into the trap of the friend zone, and instead, stick to the no contact rule to give yourself the best chance of winning your ex back.
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18. UNDERSTANDING THAT IT IS NOT AN OBLIGATION FOR YOUR EX TO COME BACK TO YOU
Most individuals become highly disappointed when they do not receive a favourable response from their ex following a breakup. It is important to understand that the choice to return to the relationship is an option for your ex, and not a compulsion. Rather than trying to force or convince your ex to come back to you, it is essential to focus on self-improvement. By becoming a more attractive and desirable individual, your ex will naturally be drawn back to you. It is important to avoid becoming the equivalent of a persistent door-to-door salesman, as this will only push your ex further away. Instead, focus on improving yourself, and the rest will fall into place.
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19. CONQUER THE FEAR OF LOSS
After a breakup, it's natural to feel as though you've experienced a significant loss. But consider this: did you come into this world with your ex? Of course not. If you were able to live without them before, you can do so again. The feeling of loss is only temporary and will eventually fade. When you have no fear of loss, you have nothing to lose and are in a position of power, increasing your chances of getting your ex back. Remember, emotionally moving on is key.